i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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