Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
