"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
