This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
