So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
