If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
