I'm going to jail i love you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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