I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
