I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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