so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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