i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
