watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
