we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
