wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i drank out of a bidet.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
