taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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