I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
