I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So apparently I’m into choking now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
