You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
