Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
