Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So squirting runs in the family.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
