I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
