Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
