Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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