She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
