I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
