I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
