I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
