I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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