i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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