is your mom at the bar?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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