when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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