Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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