Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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