the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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