dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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