wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
