true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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