I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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