if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
