He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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