That's intense
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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