Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
