for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
