do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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