one might say we're banned from that church
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
