if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Semen is not good for contacts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
