ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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