I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
MIDGETS
????
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
