we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
