So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
