Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
