so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
