Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
