How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
