All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
