i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
