Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
