No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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