I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I deserve this hangover.
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