Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
