I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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